8/2/12 The Daily Nothing

There's really no delicate way to tiptoe around some of today's topics, but we'll try.

First, the story of accidentally killing your school mascot. And then the story just gets worse from there.

Then, a guy who thinks the Olympic opening ceremony was a satanic ritual. It was pretty confusing, but Satanic ritual?

Next, a Tennessee legislator claims Obama is going to fake assassinate himself. Thanks, Tennessee. Every vote counts.

Finally, someone poops in a microwave. The big story here is that it took the city council A WEEK to remove the crappy microwave.

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